Whitman National Forrest – Wallowa Mountains





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if they could hear your thoughts

some nights are so quiet, so calm, and others haunting. i don’t always know what’s me, what’s from deep within, greatly outside of myself, possibly from a different realm. attacking me in the depth of my soul. manipulating my thoughts, dreams and sense of self. i don’t always recognize myself anymore. i will at times get a glimpse, of a fond memory, when driving with the window down, sun in my face, wind in my hair. i can recall what i used to feel like when i felt well and present. more than i would like to admit i don’t feel like my mind and body are in the same place, as if i’m in a foggy night, unable to see farther than 6 feet in front of me. where have i gone? there i am! hey wait, don’t leave me here… we used to be so happy, so alive, so excited about what could possibly be next. please help pull me out of this dark pit, allow me to be blinded by the sun, your glory, your presence. rescue me from this place, please. i’m scared, so angry, so lonely, please help. please? come quickly lord. i fear i’m lacking memory of who you are, what you will look like if you decide to come. hold me nearer now than ever before. please?

do not wander, do not wander throughout the dawn. what would people think, if they could hear your thoughts? they would be so offended, so angry, so assuming. i don’t mean to think these thoughts, it scares me honestly. please come quickly and show me your face. heal all my wounds and erase patterns from my mind of what used to be and what i thought could have been. where do i go? i’m not scared to be alone, but i’m afraid of the things haunting inside. stay next to me, even when i’m not paying much attention. wash it all away and heal the wounds, starting from the deepest inside.

Mom graduated from College

Proud Family
Proud Family

I value my family, loved ones and friends above any other early pleasure. I had the privledge of seeing my Mom graduate from college this month. She’s dedicated most of her life to raising both my sister and I, on her own, with the help of God and His Spirit. She’s always wanted to go back to school and study American Sign Language. She’s also had the opportunity to learn more about who she is and how her life has shaped her and the calling on her life. I’m so proud of you mom; your dedication, hard work, perseverance, sacrifice and trust in the way God leads you. I love you!

Severe Brain Injury

This is the specific symptom I'm currently focusing on.
This is the specific symptom I’m currently focusing on.

Last September, 2014, I had an accident at work. I was performing a routine task in a space of our store that’s not customer facing. When I headed back the the sales floor I was walking quickly, with my head down, while looking at my iPad. All of a sudden, with great force, the front right side of my head came into contact with a steel box, that hangs on the wall. The impact knocked me down to the ground and I passed out after hitting my head and upper back on the floor. After reviewing video footage, it’s clear that I wasn’t moving for a few minutes. Unconscious. I told myself to stay down, not sure what damage had been done to my body or head. I slowly wiggled my fingers and toes to make sure I had feeling, then I discovered my head was bleeding. This was a scary few minutes as there was no one around to help me. I had a phone on me so I called to a nearby office. It wasn’t long before I had help and I was taken to urgent care. Then driven to the Emergency Room, the urgent care couldn’t do anything and were alarmed when they discovered my head was bleeding. No staples, thankfully! The possibility was discussed multiple times… scary!

For those of you who know me, you can image how difficult it is for me to be still. I’m not suppose to exercise until I’m symptom-free. The extent of my current activities consists of walking during the day. Most of my time is spent resting my brain and/or one of many therapies. Since December 2014 I’ve been doing physical, speech, and occupational therapy. In January of this year the doctor added vision and massage therapies.

The suspected outcome is full recovery, it’s just taking longer than I hoped.  Below is information about post-concussion syndrome.

By Mayo Clinic Staff
Post-concussion syndrome is a complex disorder in which various symptoms — such as headaches and dizziness — last for weeks and sometimes months after the injury that caused the concussion.

Concussion is a mild traumatic brain injury, usually occurring after a blow to the head. Loss of consciousness isn’t required for a diagnosis of concussion or post-concussion syndrome. In fact, the risk of post-concussion syndrome doesn’t appear to be associated with the severity of the initial injury.

In most people, post-concussion syndrome symptoms occur within the first seven to 10 days and go away within three months, though they can persist for a year or more.

Post-concussion syndrome treatments are aimed at easing specific symptoms.